Words a Week: Deuce Ex Adoption
Week 2 of 2 weeks of words! This one is dark, probably has some psychological triggers and certainly has adult themes and language. I had some problems keeping tense as I like present tense, because it falls out of my mouth better. It also started from a more neutral “they” perspective, but it ended up about her. Time is a tricky thing, and I feel like this would have really been excellent if I’d had a more regimented writing time per day. This is not where I saw it going. But per usual, this was rushed when I could fit it in on lunch breaks… I still like it.
She placed the baby on the hood of the car and looked down at what she had done. It was late; 3 o’clock in the morning, but it was hard to tell. Had this been a different time or a different place, she thought they would have taken him home. Chances were, that life would take over and things would work out, even if the odds seemed stacked against them. That is what she told herself before reality set in. Soon considerations had to be made, scenarios played and replayed until the hope withered and died within hearts and the world won. So there they were, looking at the baby on the hood of the car.
“We should name it.” her voice was an exercise in sorrow. Worn and depleted from bringing this child into the world. She smoked her cigarette and considered the life before her. It was tiny and quiet; full from her breast.
“I like Mable.” She took another drag as the baby clasped her finger. It was dark. The nearest street light an anemic witness.
“I don’t care, we need to get rid of it.” coke boy croaked. He was not so contemplative and he stepped away to continue pacing. In no uncertain terms he had told her his life was over; he’d confided that he wanted nothing to do with this, but he’d help get rid of it. There goes college. Joining a band: gone. Sure he didn’t know how to play an instrument but now that was gone, too. His dad would kill him.
“Besides, Mable is a cow’s name.”
“Fuck you.” she spat, “fuck you and your stupid car and your stupid cock.” she couldn’t stop looking at the baby on the hood of the car, “This is all your fault, anyway. You should have stopped.”
She hated him now. He had been OK for awhile, his smile, his arms, but he’d always know he was rotten. She felt like an idiot when she looked at the baby; a living reminder of how stupid she felt.
Coke boy moved quickly and was next to her and removed something from a hoodie pocket, “I have a solution, you know. I got it all figured out.” He shook the bottle of pills he’d brought. He shook it like a rattle in front of the baby on the hood of the car and for a moment, the baby on the hood of the car’s eye focused on the amber prescription bottle before it was slapped away. It hit the wet asphalt of the parking lot, broke open and scattered its cache of pills into the parking space next to them.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She looked incredulous, “I said I wasn’t going to poison the baby!” she yelled. Her temper had flared and she new that was a mistake around guys like this.
“Me?! What the fuck is wrong with you?” He crouched down now, scrambled to pick up the contents of the bottle, “That cost me 50 dollars, you bitch!”
She kicked him in the ass and as he fell over, he opened his hands to catch himself and his collected pills fell once more onto the pavement, “You stupid…” he gets to his feet. His face was red, “Its fucking Ambien! He’ll just go to sleep! He won’t even know!”
“You’re sick,” she turned away from him, “and fucked up.” she added.
“Well you want to get rid of it, too! No, don’t you look at me like you’re a fucking saint. You asked me to come out here! You’re just some slut who got knocked up.” He pulled his hood up over his head. It was true, she had asked him to come out, to take some of the burden maybe it was for him to make a decision for her, but that was changing.
Coke boy took a deep breath and continued, like he was car salesman with a tough sell, “Look, you don’t want to put it up for adoption, you wouldn’t get an abortion,” he laughed and put his hands through his stringy hair, pushing the hood back down and sighed, “you probably gave me a shitty condom on purpose. Ladies always tryin this bullshit.”
With that, he pulled out a small plastic baggy with some of his namesake in it and held it up to her, like he might present a flower, “Here, it will clear you up, brah.”
“God, you really are as dumb as you look.” She looked out at the desolate parking lot. At its center was a store she and her family shopped at. It was big. Had everything you needed. Fruit, tires, clothes; it didn’t matter. She hadn’t been able to buy clothes she liked for awhile. Only those that hid her pregnancy. She’d done pretty well. Even managed to walk this dip shit through a delivery. Not that her parents would have been much help, unless that help was judgment or a bruise, maybe a grope. No, she was done with that static.
He straightened up from where he had been leaning next to the baby on the hood of the car and sniffed deep. He wiped his nose with his fingers, put the bag away and said, “Look, I’ll give you a ride home or somewhere, I don’t care.” He held out his hands, like he was physically offering to take the baby on the hood of the car that very moment. “You leave the thing with me, ok? I-I’ll take it to the city, to one of them Catholic places with the nuns and shit, ok?” She could see the combination of white power and snot on his fingers. She turned and walked slowly, looking at her feet.
“No. I-” she felt something happening, inside. Something was about to happen. She either had to shit or make a decision; should couldn’t be sure, but she needed to do something about coke boy and the baby on the hood of the car, “I’m gonna keep it for now.” She couldn’t believe the words as they left her mouth, but there it was. She had shit and she was gonna own it. She’d find someone to help. She’d figure something out. She turned to see his reaction.
Coke boy had been following behind her and stopped as the words left her mouth. His eyes darted between hers, left-right-left-right they wiggled. When he finally opened its mouth, it was slow and low, “Well,” he sniffs, “I think that ship has sailed.”
“I’ll keep you a secret. I’ll say I cheated on you, I mean we weren’t even dating!” When she heard her own voice she knew she was in trouble. This was the voice she had to use when avoiding hands, jail, fists, whatever.
Coke boy started moving again, but its not towards her, but towards the baby on the hood of the car. She ran past him and turned to face him, her palms on his chest.
“Stop. I’ll take it. Please?” she pleaded, her heart pounded.
“Get the hell outta my way, I’m done.” He pushed her quickly to the side. “Don’t be crazy, I’ll wreck you.” She stumbled and fell onto the wet ground, scraping her palms. She saw coke boy pick up the baby on the hood of the car, like a load of laundry.
As she scrambled to get up, he held baby in one arm and opened the door to his car. On her feet again, she runs toward coke boy, who had just placed the baby onto the passenger’s seat. As he straightens his back, she grabs his head by his hair with both fists tightly and with a sick thud smashed his head into the roof of his car. Blood immediately flowed from his face and his nose looked decidedly left handed. She felt his body pull at the hair in her fists and she quickly moved out of his way as he fell to the ground.
“Oh shit. Oh shit.” She couldn’t be sure if he was dead or not. She thought she might have heard a moan. He was very still. “Oh shit.” She was certain he’d kill her if he wasn’t dead. She considered stomping on his head, but she couldn’t even look at the blood without feeling sick. She wasn’t a killer. She felt like she needed to run.
She crouched down over coke boy to look for his keys. “Where the fuck are they you dipshit?!” She shoved her hands in his pockets, his jeans, his hoodie. She found more coke, condoms
A moan escaped coke boy’s lips, “uhhhhhhhh”.
“Oh shit oh shit.” she stood up and dipped inside the car for the baby on the passenger’s seat. She looked at coke boy who is starting to rouse and began running for the store. “Someone please!” She needed to get out of site, but this store was the only thing around in a town like this. Empty lots and fields surrounded it, the highway dark. Then she heard the car start.
She turned her head and her heart boomed. Dread swelled within her belly where the baby in her arms had been. Coke boy’s car’s tires squealed. Its headlights sparked to life and their round yellow beams swerved in an arch until they landed on her and the baby in her arms. She ran faster towards the stark, gray building ahead and reaching the wall, she turned to see coke boy’s car; its tires protested as they screeched to a halt. She could smell the hot engine. Burning rubber and the rough idle vibrations. She held the baby in her arms as she put he back against the wall and slid down. There was no where to run. His car engine revved. He would catch her. The driver’s side door opened and coke boy stepped out.
“Your ass is gonna pay for this.” He pressed one thumb to his nose and blew bloody mucus out of the other, “I’m gonna mess you up.”
He walked over to where she was in the old yellow glow of the headlights. He was just a silhouette shape against the the light but she could see he had something there in his hand. She was sure it was the bat he kept in his car. She feels a moment of regret for not taking it herself.
“Please!” She had to yell over the sound of the car reverberating off of the walls. “Just let me go.”
She winced as coke boy lifted up the bat, when the car died. Coke boy didn’t seem to notice.
“What the…” coke boy lowered the the bat and looked behind her. Still crouching, she looked the her left and sees a single line of light appear. She looks to the right and sees a matching line.
“What the…” she echoed as as she crawled away, then stood up next to coke boy.
The seam was a rectangle of bright white light, the approximate size of a door. She watch as one side of the rectangle widened. Its light poured out and intensified. Both of them shielded their eyes; coke boy with the baseball bat in his hand and she with the baby in her arm. She tried to peer inside the door way, but it was like looking into the sun. Tears started to form in her eyes, but she wasn’t sure if it was from relief or the light. She was sure there had been no door there as she ran toward the building. But now there was. Now there was a door of light.
“Let’s go,” coke boy said, “this is some fucked up shit.”
She could see him trembling, fidgeting, and that gave her comfort and strength.
“No,” she said, “I told you I’ll take it.” She had her voice back. No more complacency. She started walking to the light.