Right. I know I did and you know I know I did. But that is the problem with a man who’s family motto was “TV is my only recreation” growing up. This is a difficult tradition to break, because its easy. Yes, Television, my radiation emitting parent, friend, lover. How I long for your tutelage every night as I take my place in your court.
Worries? Not while I am being passively amused. I don’t need to worry about how I never finished that degree whilst your content flickers in my eyes. How I have a room full of hobbies I want to get around to, but goodness me, I can watch ALL the seasons of Boston Legal right now? SWEET SPADE AND SHATNER, TAKE ME AWAY!
I can posit that these behaviors are escapist. Likely. I can extrapolate that I escape because otherwise, I may be forced to concede that I am not where I want to be, creatively, academically, financially or emotionally; through this media time sink, I can idle my engine while the past, present and future take a backseat. These are big things to navel gaze.
Lets take a look at my existential to-do list and see where we’re at a month or so later:
- Create a demo for voice acting.
Well, not a lot here. There are people at work with some experience with audio gear, which may get me over my “this is hard why doesn’t it work right” phase. Basically I have an M-Audio interface with a build in pre-amp and a mic, but its super quiet and noisy. I don’t know how to troubleshoot this. Must ask for help.
- Fix or replace my guitar.
Being unemployed for 4 years and living off of good graces and savings puts you in a bit of a financial mess. This will have to wait. Maybe I should put a little away each month.
- Be healthy.
Another aspect of working full time again is lack of time. Combined with my TV Parent, preparing food and making good food choices, not happening as much as I’d like. But I have made progress. More salads from home for lunch. I fear weighing myself.
- Write more.
Pretty good. I could cross post more of my Facebook posts here. My word a week plan made it 2 weeks, then last week… nada. This week is nearly done.
One thing that I completely admit my hypocrisy on is keeping promises. As a child who had a few promises broken, I suspect that my ability to trust others and myself, was stunted. I am better as an adult. I have reasonable expectations and my skills for choosing whom and when to trust others is much better, even than it was when I was 30. But as far as keeping promises to myself? When no one if watching? At school I learned that investment in myself was worth it. I must remember this.
- Be kind and present.
Making strides. Compliments when you appreciate someone. Remembering to consider the active feelings of others. Empathy. It happens.